Unfaithful Story Collector Mugs

"It's not what you think."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

Ghost puddle

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

Newborn making the V-sign

Who's Dead

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'I've been knocking for ages!'

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

"We met through a contact tracing app."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

'Hi. I'm Don.'

"It's a Plodcast!"

I told you I lost it in the sun.

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

A frog catches an insect truck.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

Oliver's reception by Fagin and the boys

"As you can see this is pretty embarrassing so I'd appreciate keeping it between you, me and this fence post."

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

Home Sweet Home

Stolen Crime Books.

"Oh, and a five and five ones."