Unexpected Hilarity Fan Pillows

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Faster, Georges, faster!

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'I found the termites!'

The Brothers Grime

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"Fish finder."

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

The bird feeder.

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"Can you keep a secret?"

"So! When's the big day?"

"Buster, run this past legal."

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'