Unexpected Hero Gifts

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

"I dragged a man out of a burning building. Un"fortunately, it was a fireman...

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"Stop with the tennis balls! There's no oil down here... just monsters."

"We pride ourselves on defying expectations."

Think globally. Act locally.

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

Where history's best ideas happen.

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

"This way, O' Brien."

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

"We find shopping at the farmers' market to be more self-congratulatory."

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

"You monster!"

'This wine speaks for itself.' 'Howdy!'

With Friends Like These

'Honestly! You'd do anything to win the Community Balloon Race, wouldn't you?'

"This is how I roll, baby."

"Gifts like this ought to keep me humble."

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

Forty years in the City and never once was I headhunted.

Life is full of surprises.

Things you can't do much about...what you can do....

"The video of you giving that big bloke a piece of your mind has gone viral!"

'Due to a shakeup at network headquarters, this is the Evening News with Fred the Janitor....'

'Officer, I think that young man is trying to steal that old lady'

"Anyway, long story short, I'm a believer in the old adage 'Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life,' so that's why I became an insurance adjuster."

'Good news, folks! The plumber is here!'

"Thlippry thnakes. . ."