Unlikely Hero Gifts

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

'With one stroke of his fibre-tipped pen, Cartoonman laid waste to all that was evil...'

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

"Stop with the tennis balls! There's no oil down here... just monsters."

Think globally. Act locally.

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

'There was a time when I considered making myself available for the NBA draft. But one day I realized, hey - I'm a slug! I don't have an athletic bone in my body!'

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

"We find shopping at the farmers' market to be more self-congratulatory."

With Friends Like These

"You monster!"

How Scientists Work

'Why Mr. Root, I had no idea you were not happy with your work here at crisis services!'

'Honestly! You'd do anything to win the Community Balloon Race, wouldn't you?'

"Gifts like this ought to keep me humble."

"Baldo, you deserve this raise. But please don't tell anybody what I'm paying you."

'I can't remember for the life of me why I came upstairs.'

Captain Pointy No.62 - Famous last words

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

Forty years in the City and never once was I headhunted.

"Hey, rookie! Get over here! This guy needs CPR!!!"

Things you can't do much about...what you can do....

"I dragged a man out of a burning building. Un"fortunately, it was a fireman...

"I always felt like I was destined for something big. But I'm not sure it's worth the effort."

Short sighted man talking to mannequin. - "Can you help me find my wife?"