Unexpected Guardianship Fan Gifts

"I just washed and waxed it. I don't want the birds messing it up!"

City Zoo: Day Care

He looks so natural lying there...

"I need to know who started it."

"Play 'Misty' for me."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

Dog detectives

'I'm a guard dog too.'

'He's been shot!'

Nun confronts mugger.

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"Well, I've taught you everything I know."

"Another clear case of COVID19."

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

'The paintings are neolithic, I suspect the Mustaches wee added by a later people.'

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Recollections of a Retired Butler

Police are searching for a male between 16 and 25 years, with a silky sheer taupe complexion and a run over his left eye.

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"Sure, meritocracies are fine, but why take the chance?"

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

"He might have fallen but these tire marks suggest something completely different"

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

Mr. Hyde writing the unauthorized autobiography of Dr. Jekyll

'Mystery egg.'

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"