Unemployment Navigator Gifts

'Actually, I learned a lot in college, but there are very few job openings out there for expert beer drinkers.'

Social Networking Sites for the Unemployed

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Opening the door to new customers

Between Offices

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'You will have no hope of recognition or advancement. That's why you'll be underpaid.'

For sale

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

Doubt or Certainy

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

Career advice from the boss

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

How to apply for a job, then vs. now