Job Loss Navigators Gifts

See how silly it was to worry about a computer replacing me? My job was outsourced overseas.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Between Offices

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

St. Elmo's fired.