Underworld Ponderer Gifts

Hell before the advent of fire (all dark)

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'But what is the universe for?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Why bother?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

The Origins of Everything

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

Ghost puddle

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"Shall we put it in play?"

"If the universe is expanding, that's all the more reason to get back to the city."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'No, this is area 50...Area 51 is over that way...'

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'