Undead Pillows

'Give it up, Coondog! You can't win a stare-down with a zombie!'

Zombie standup

Night of the Zombonies.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

He looks so natural lying there...

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

'He lived and died for golf.'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

Monster Baseball

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

Child buys 'Dracula doll': Keep in box until sunset.

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

'I'm not saying I won't eat left-brained people's brains, but I prefer right.'

"Your wife called you 'heartless?' Well...she is right."

'Same problem every morning. What to wear..?'

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"Let's dig into that. When did you first start feeling like you lost the will to not live?"

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

'My doctor's put me on a strict diet. From now on I have to ask my victims how high their cholesterol is.'

Don't Worry, Buddy I've Got Your Back!

Vampire Sit ups

"I want to make it with you."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

After-Life Mints

"Brrrr...! - You know when you get the feeling that someone's just fallen into your grave...?"

"R.I.P. Angus MacGee 1827 - 1869 Was great in bed"