Unconventional Sleuth Gifts

"I'm looking for justice."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

'You've been killing files again.'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

Missing Easter Egg

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

The Modern Godot

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'How come the rabbit didn't have good luck with the foot?'

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

Optician and the PI.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

Net Zero Superstitions

Two men converse secretively

"Don't mind me. I'm just nosy."

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

I don't trust that guy.

The Banana Crime

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

"This mixture of herbs and spices will rid the casa of ghosts! I will send them fleeing into the night!"

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

Sherlock Holmes.

Policeman on the internet looking for suspect.