Unconventional Play Aficionados Gifts

Defense Weapon

'Stop purring I can't hear your heart beat.'

'AQ popgun? I want a field model Browning pump chambered for the 3-inch magnum load.'

A little boy is crawling through a sandbox towards his mother as though he were dying of thirst in a desert.

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

'We've just invented the Frisbee.'

'Let's call it Frisbee...'

"And where are you off to my Bohemian pagan"

"Honestly larry, I don't want a bronze Adonis. I much prefer a burnt umber twiglet"

'I'm the mommy and he's the daddy and Teddy is the $%^*&^% kid who keeps us from having the time to do anything!'

The Children's Crusade - 'You give the boys cooties, we'll give the girls cooties - we're back in a week.'

Mistress Dominatra, Esq.

"Talk to Freddy. He handles my malpractice suits."

New Milks

"It started as a normal joust until he met me with some sort of damned parry-riposte."

Six Characters in search of an outlet.

Basketball Nerds.

Pierre Corneille

"More tea, Mr. Antlers?"

'They grow up so fast nowadays.'

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"Go deep."

"When I started it was just a couple of small injections twice a week."

Grandparents' 3-Legged Race.

'You're right. All it needs is a woman's touch.'

"His act has never been the same since his wife started using the basket for her laundry."

Jimmy and Jane Play Doctor

"Why don't you guys go out and play catch?"

'How very Lord's.'

"Look sharp, everybody. Here comes the athletic director."

101 uses of a dead cat: back scratcher.