Uncluttered Advocate Pillows

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

On holiday.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"What Genocide? What Armenians?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"Tempting, but I'm on a plastic cleanse this week."

In the art gallery

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

'I'm defragging my wardrobe.'

'No sweat shop'

'My mom invented baths!'

'Only peanut butter and jelly fingers, Sir.'

Animal cosmetic testing

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

'I'm just draining the reservoir.'

'Single-use' - Word of the year 2018

'I moved the computer and phone off my desk. You wouldn't understand. It's a Feng Shui thing and it has successfully reduced my job related stress.'

Medieval Torture

"I'm a great believer in keeping a clean desk, chief."

"Can we just order pizza for Thanksgiving this year?"

"But this way I know where everything is."

"We seem to be the only animals here."

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

"Ok, ok, I'll use a bloody coaster!"

"Oh, Larry, you’ve got a tiny piece of kibble ri-i-ight there."

Ham Sanitizer