Twisted Romantic Gifts

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"...until death do you a favor."

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

Online Dating

Romance of Radio Astronomy

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Florets! How lovely, I'd better put them in some boiling water."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

"I never actually said I was spiderman...I just said that no one has ever seen us in the same room together."

She never could tell when he was being sarcastic.

"Now will you do something funny."

'I got you 10 roses. I believe strong relationships are based on the metric system.'

The princess and the key

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"I didn't want you doing what you did on our last date."

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

Happy Valentine's Day

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

'Group hug anyone?'

Nothing like a Valentine from my boyfriend David... the cardiologist.

"Now THAT'S what I call a surprise ending!!"

"Mr. Dankin, the plumber will see you now."

"Julie, are you live tweeting this!?"

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

"They were only supposed to find truffles, but then they found Roger - a man who curiously smells a lot like truffles."

'Do you , Cynthia, who is completely free of any genetic engineering, take Rodney, who is equally free...'