Twin Brother Pillows

Well.. is he your twin brother ... or not?

'Andrew! You never told me you had a twin!'

Evil (scratch that). Better in every way twin.

Cruel twin, half wit twin and timeless fake-mirror gag.

"Dad, as a twin, I'm all about establishing a separate identity, but he's taking it too far."

"No, that was my twin brother. I was too chicken to cross the road."

"Being a twin is great. I always have a scapegoat."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"Young Frankenstein"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

Robot Parts $5

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Come dine with me!

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"