Tweet Aficionado Gifts

'See you later, Steve - I have to catch up on my tweets.'

Polly want a Twitter account. I've created a monster.

"Here's a rundown of today's stock prices...shifts in the world order...Trump's tweets..."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

Klimt Kiss Phones

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Iran bars two UN nuclear inspectors for 'untruthful reporting'

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'