Tv Zappers Gifts

Voice Recognition TV.

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'What d'you mean-you THINK you've seen this before-you've seen EVERYTHING before!'

"I just got a new high-def television, but I can't enjoy it because I have low-def eyesight."

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

"Lately, I've mainly been using selfie traps."

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

Baby loving the television more than his/her parents.

"Stop it! You're killing me!"

God changes the channel with his remote.

"I've managed to get hold of one of those 'all for one ad one for all' remote controls."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

'She must be the general...the one with the most bling on her chest.'

'Because we can't afford to subscribe to the Spanish Channel!'

"Are you tempting fate with poor diet and little exercise?" "Tempting it"? I'm surprised we haven't been charged with entrapment.

"We will be right back to our commercials after this brief game!"

'My mind's gone blank.'

'Have you noticed? She always calls a recess at the exact time 'Oprah' comes on tv.'

You've been playing around with that bug light again, haven't you?

Eraserhead

I Love Lucy Today

A people-meter family out enjoying the calm night breezes while claiming to be inside enjoying a rerun of 'Falcon Crest.'"

I'm watching an Oprah tape backwards --- So she's Harpo.

'Damn it, Bob, you know I hate when you stare at me like that!'

Welcome Back!

'They say TV kills the art of conversation...'

A man is standing up with a remote stuck between his butt cheeks-he says;'Nobody is going anywhere until the t.v. remote is found!'

'Cheeze... I wasn't ready for Andy Rooney AND Morley Safer on high definition at the same time.'

'Turning Left' lights on front of car.

Normal Things

'Norm! There is something on TV I want you to see.'