Serial Zapper Gifts

Boy sees picture of missing remote on milk cartoon.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Damn! I keep waking up in the middle of the day."

The Procrastinatorium.

"We couldn't connect. He kept spouting technobabble, and I, of course, kept coming back with psychobabble."

NEW FALL LINEUP

"I need a man who will commit."

"That's just in case we need to go in again."

Stun-gun target practice.

'Don't be too sad. Sure, she was special, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.'

"I always pick Mr. Wrong..."

Congratulations you are Date Number 1000.

Good luck with all the revision!!!

God changes the channel with his remote.

"I've managed to get hold of one of those 'all for one ad one for all' remote controls."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

'Loose zips cause trips, Robert.'

"I guess I'm just unlucky in love. My first wife left me...and the second one won't!"

'It's just a precaution, there were lots of fiddley bits left over at the end of the operation.'

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

"Remember that hurricane a thousand miles away? That was me!"

"We will be right back to our commercials after this brief game!"

"OK Zoomer!"

"I'm in the mood to swipe left on everything."

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'

Zipper complimenting zip child: "Ah, she's a cute as a button!"

You've been playing around with that bug light again, haven't you?

"You're always trying too hard, Eddie!"

I'm looking for something for the man who has everything, and then I'd like his name and phone number.

Voice Recognition TV.