Tv Watcher Pillows

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'Forgive you?...sure I'll forgive you...the moment I see something I really want on the shopping channel.'

'Honey, this personal injury lawyer says that if we act now, he'll also throw in a free slicer and dicer in its own carrying case.'

'I don't know what it is, dad. Something is causing an electrical interference.'

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

'She's always like this when Wimbledon ends.'

"Relax - I saw a bear do this on TV."

Television Baseball

It's a Dog's life

'Och lye the news'

'And now for the light side of the news. My dog has fleas.'

"Papi, did you know that Hispanic kids consume way more media than other kids?"

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

'Isn't that silly, Fluffy. The cowboy is talking to his horse.'

Introspection

'I got my degree by watching JEOPARDY.'

"In light of the current situation, we've dispensed with the weather report."

"Timothy, if you never watch TV you'll never know what's going on in the world."

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where you research is headed?"

"So if you don't want to know the final score, look away from your TV screen now."

'I couldn't figure out how to get rid of those stupid subtitles, so I slapped some duct tape over them.'

You've Been Framed

"This one looks hot. Their big advertiser pulled out."

"The Monday movie will be back after the messages that follow the following messages."

"Ever notice that the longest sentence in the English language follows 'And now a word from our sponsor'?"

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

'Parents are the last people on earth that should have children...'

100% Effective Ad Blocking

"Oh, man! I have to watch this! This is so totally the most important baseball game in forever!"

'Please do not adjust your set -- I'm just a little hung over.'

"Would you get me another beer? I have the express written consent of major league baseball."

The only 'hot button' issue around here is beer

"Probably midges"

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"I'm up for anything pre-apocalyptic."