Tv Detox Enthusiast Gifts

'I know how to fix that!'

Showbiz Awards

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Stephen Fry

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Big screen TV falling through floor

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

America Off-line.

Can't Touch This

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Starvation Watching

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"Is anything good on?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

The cradle of mankind