Tv Critic Satirist Prints

Disasters.

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Christmas TV...

Can't Touch This

How I met your mother

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"Can you hear me now?"

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

Silly News.