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'I'm appealing on the grounds that Judge Judy shouldn't be able to impose the death penalty.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

Sue the Author 3PM

"Now that's a win."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Pre-Minstrel Tension

"They're class action figures."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

Sue The Bastards

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

I demand to see a lawyer. May I say, you've come to the right place.

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.