Courtroom Commentator T-Shirts

"I interpret the death penalty according to the times."

Mean Judge

Supine Court

SCOTUS Credibility

You have been found guilty of being young, drunk and stupid...

'A person has to eat. Right, Judge?'

'I had a rogue prosecutor, judge, jury and appellate court.'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to jail."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"