Tv Comedy Viewers Gifts

"Let's stop pretending we understand the English setters and just turn on the subtitles."

Zombie standup

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Puss in cement boots"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Plum jam...

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Standard & Poor

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Pet Entertainers

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Yakety-Yak

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'