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'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

Eastenders on an upsidedown television - 'They look so happy now'

'The President today called for Federal funding for day care centers for homeless beanie babies... Had you going for a minute there, didn't we?'

Today, let's start with a list of actors who were never nominated with an Academy Award....

"Viewers, please be aware that the weather forecast is for entertainment purposes only."

Trial by Media

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Showbiz Awards

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The first car accident.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

Painting by the numbers for adults

'I think you're getting the hang of it.'

UK border controls relaxed.

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Gardener attacked by plants.