Turning A New Age Bracket T-Shirts

"Call Mr. Oliphant and wish him happy birthday. Then raise his rate 400 dollars for being in a new age bracket."

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Ed's receding hairline!

Do you think I'm sixty?

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

David Blaine, Age 60

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'Your 40th? Well maybe if you're talking about the number of cans you've had!'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."