Turf Keeper Pillows

'Of course, now that we have turf, we'll need someone to protect it.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

I love my Timpani

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

Ginger Baker.

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

The Drummer

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

A house cat fishes in a goldfish bowl

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'I haven't been able to go to sleep in this new bowl.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

"Don't talk to your dad - he hasn't had his morning coffee yet!"

Golf Hil Divot

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'Don't' Feed the Animals' sign with a saw in it.

Clydesdale never misses a beat.

"I found this place on Waterbnb."

'Where's your goldfish?'

"My door's always open...but there is an invisible fence."

'Of course I ate the Goldfish: What did they expect me to do? It's my nature, I can't help it...'

'He uses rim shots instead of banging on his gavel.'

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

"Who, me?"

The Drummer

Dog drinking out of fish bowl, "How many fish were in the bowl before I started drinking?"

'If that's Bo-Peep, you haven't seen me...'

Man waiting for final leaf of autumn to fall.

'I never drink before 6pm. Luckily it's always 6pm somewhere in the world!'

Football fan

How does she get her grass so green?