Turf Keeper Pillows

'Of course, now that we have turf, we'll need someone to protect it.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

I love my Timpani

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

The Drummer

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'I haven't been able to go to sleep in this new bowl.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Go on - they're organic!'

A house cat fishes in a goldfish bowl

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

Golf Hil Divot

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"Don't talk to your dad - he hasn't had his morning coffee yet!"

Clydesdale never misses a beat.

Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

'Don't' Feed the Animals' sign with a saw in it.

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'Of course I ate the Goldfish: What did they expect me to do? It's my nature, I can't help it...'

'Where's your goldfish?'

'He uses rim shots instead of banging on his gavel.'

"I found this place on Waterbnb."

"My door's always open...but there is an invisible fence."

"Who, me?"

Man waiting for final leaf of autumn to fall.

Football fan

'I never drink before 6pm. Luckily it's always 6pm somewhere in the world!'

Dog drinking out of fish bowl, "How many fish were in the bowl before I started drinking?"

Ice Skating.

'If that's Bo-Peep, you haven't seen me...'

How does she get her grass so green?

The Drummer