Tuition Fee Navigator T-Shirts

Some New Mortarboard Styles.

Continuing education.

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'If you are here, you'll be late for gym class."

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

"Now, Mr. Lindsay. About this non-profit organization you head."

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

'I'm enrolling in an online course to learn how to apply for a loan for an online university.'

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

Are you really here?

"Even though I've come this far, I'm still not sure which is the numerator and which is the denominator."

"And would you like to continue paying no taxes at the 15, 10 or 20% rate?"

Gone Lecturin'

"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"This is my final offer: you get 18% and a kind word on Yelp."

Parents happy that student has dropped out of university.

"No, I don't have a scanner you can borrow."

'You are supposed to be here.'

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

"Now that my college of choice no longer requires the SAT, I'm relying more than ever on grade inflation."

Girl to mom about report card: 'Second grade is hard because all of my training was in the first grade.'

"Why can't you give me a student loan? I'm a student."

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

'I've been offered a week under the viaduct and three nights in a pizza hut doorway, after which I get my own cardboard box.'

"Looks like the kids have gone off to college. Let's grab a few years alone in the house before they decide to return."

'Modern women: part nurturer, part healer, part seeker of clues.'

'He's moody, cynical, lazy and talks back. Harriet, it's just not easy raising the dead.'

Humanities Quad.

"You have your whole lives ahead of you to wallow in debt..."