Trying For A Child Gifts

'Are you sure you can't get me pregnant, being invisible?'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Use your inside scream."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Elephant in the Womb

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

Uterus: One size fits all.

The unforgiving tree

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

Milk sideburns

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"Have you considered trying for a puppy?"

"No, not that button!"

Giving Birth

'You can have a cute little boy like me. All you have to do is get pregnant.'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"