Trust Skeptic Gifts

'We don't want to sleep on it, it's to put our savings under.'

"Full disclosure: I served five years for bank fraud."

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

'Years ago he got his investment back, plus millions in interest. So he's leaving everything to Bernard Madoff.'

"The only thing safer than investing your money with us is not investing your money with us."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Privacy

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Cupid misses his shot.

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

Big Brother.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."