Troubleshooting Guru Gifts

"I see your problem"

"I'm sorry to hear that your computer doesn't work but unfortunately I can't help you because my computer doesn't work."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Take me to your mechanic."

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Where was I?

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"I think we could work very well together."

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Problem Solver Wanted

'Can you show me on this dolly what Bill Gates did to your computer?'

"Turn down the bass."

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

Cut out and keep your own IT expert.

Bob's DIY Store

"She's also the only one who knows how to unjam the copy machine."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

'The computer's down again.'

'WRONG PIN NUMBER!'

'It's one of those viruses that corrupt every damn thing.'

Monitor Reads: Now You've Done It! AAIIIIEEE...

'The computer mentions 'virus' but I'm not sure whether it's in the software or you.'

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

"So that's how you fixed things before there was Duct tape."

"Kick the machine"

Prehistoric Clocks.