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Psychedelia Smith Cook Book.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Menu Dating

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Is this still America?'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"The bagels are better in New York."