Trend-transforming Dog Owner Gifts

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Gym Dog

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

Upper East Side Dog Park

"What these product ideas lack is a little bite."

'Grrrr....'

I think the cat wants to go out.

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Teacher's pet dog

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"Now, now, Harrison, we all start somewhere."

'Beware of SUV.'

"Pampered?"

"This company isn't big enough for two anthropomorphic dogs."

Houdini's Dog

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"He's a bad dog, but a good CEO."

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"It may look funny, but at least I'm warm."

'The homework ate my dog.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"I promised him he could have a pet."

'How to make money in the stock market.'

Beware of the dog.

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."