Trend-transforming Dog Owner Gifts

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Gym Dog

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'Grrrr....'

He prefers to play fetch with a medicine ball.

Upper East Side Dog Park

"What these product ideas lack is a little bite."

I think the cat wants to go out.

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

Teacher's pet dog

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"Now, now, Harrison, we all start somewhere."

'Beware of SUV.'

"Pampered?"

"This company isn't big enough for two anthropomorphic dogs."

"He's a bad dog, but a good CEO."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

Houdini's Dog

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"It may look funny, but at least I'm warm."

"I promised him he could have a pet."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

'How to make money in the stock market.'

Beware of the dog.

"Tonight... Hemingway."

'The homework ate my dog.'