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Hate Platforms

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'Thank God, no tasers in my day!'

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

"Damn change and newfangled ideas...if mindless back breaking work was good enough for my ancestors it's good enough for ME!"

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

'I dread Labor Day. That's the holiday before school starts.'

"Honestly, Kate—can you picture us in a shopping mall?"

'You go ahead. We'll rejoin you when you start using new technology.'

'Those are the rules, Mr. Payne. You can be a conscientious objector to war, but not to taxes!'

"Marketing with social media is a fad. I know what I'm talking about, baby."

Elevator buttons: Up, Down, Out of Bounds.

'All this talk of ABS's and old style MDP's is causing a lot of stress...The partners don't take kindly to change... He still hasn't recovered from us moving his desk nearer to the door!'

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

Stubble Bubble Store

'We can't keep up with technology because we don't like change. That's one reason we've been married for 25 years.'

'I used to be considered a cog in their wheel but now I'm thought of as a glitch in their computer software.'

Guy reading 'Irvine Welsh' drinks 'Earl grey'

"I haven't sunk my teeth into a mailman's butt in months. I hate e-mail."

'Fred's on a tough diet. He can look but he can't eat.'

Imprisoned corporate executive not ready to sign onto the new company mission statement. ('No way. I like the old one.')

'It's too bad they don't give a grade for courage. You'd get an 'A' for bringing this thing home.'

'All these changes - why can't everything stay the same!?'

"I'm old school. I still like to yell, 'Stay off my lawn' rather than text it."

"Clubs, clothes, and now fire? I'm feeling overwhelmed with the current pace of technological change."

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'