Trench Tale Teller Gifts

British patent (applied for) A Trained Dog of war Drawing the Enemy's Fire.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

Horror Stories.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

'It was this big. I swear'

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Day 57. The tigers appear to be adjusting to my presence.'

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other lik

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

'You've had enough!'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

Wetlands Environmental Reserve - Sensitive Area - Please keep your comments to yourself.

The giraffe-tamer.

My tail's cold.

Tall tales, short stories

'That's better than your fish stories, Dad.'

"You consistently lied about the size of the fish you caught. Well....we've all done that."

Little Red Riding Hood

Father imagining son with fish

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

If you think you have caught a record fish...make sure you have a witness...