Tree Conversationalist Pillows

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

'I wish they'd leave us out of their sordid affairs!'

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Babble. Pbl. Babama. Bbb. Brb. Bod.

'So much for talking to plants. I distinctly heard it tell me to shut up!'

'He's a man of few works. He likes to talk, he just has a limited vocabulary.'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Of course working from home is different. . ."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Tomorrow's our first eco club meeting. Yeah, I'm nervous! There are so many big issues!

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no-one hears it.".... "Then your illegal logging business is a success."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

A lesson in wit

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'