Travel Planners T-Shirts

'Rapture, 21st May' - 'Armageddon, 21st October' - 'What a load of old nonsense!' - 'And what return date do you want the flight?' - 'Let's say... 20th October'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

Tourists

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

Italia tours

"I just..."

'Are we broke yet?'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

An alleyway leads to a scenic area.

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

BIG BOOK OF CAMPER VAN NAMES

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

Monday: Next 7 exits.

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"Actually, I hear my boss. I'm on a working vacation."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

"Don't blame me, you're the one who suggested an island-hopping holiday!"

"I'm pretty sure my self-driving car is moonlighting for Uber behind my back."

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

"It looks brighter over there!"

"If we'd gone South for the winter, we'd be back by now."

Vacation Time: Hither, Thither, Yon.