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"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a bankruptcy attorney on board?"

"It's time for us to go back to Sixty-fifth and Third, Richard."

Terrible at Goodbyes

'What, no on-board movie?'

The Last Throes of Summer and Real Life.

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

"O.K., I admit it, we're lost, but the important thing is to remain focussed on whose fault it is."

'Excuse me, do these stairs go up or down?'

'Says he's done his 4.5 hours driving and won't budge for another 15 minutes!'

"We should have read the fine print more carefully before buying these cheap airfares."

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

'Could you maybe fax a copy of this to my radiologist?'

Lucky break.

"Wait a minute - I know there's something we've forgotten to worry about."

"Detour: New Normal."

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

"In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you for two dollars."

X-Ray and Mammagram

In hindsight, Giovanni realised that it was probably a bad idea hiring a builder with a short leg!

'Lawyers boarding a plane'

The End.

"Lucky you. We've just had a cancelation."

Further Cutbacks

"I have this nagging feeling we've forgotten something..."

Elephant Ride

'You didn't read the small print, sir - Your ticket restricts you to a seat kicked continuously by a small child.'

"I can get you to San Francisco through Dallas via Atlanta, but we'd have to take a kidney right here and now."

"If you can read this - I've lost my caravan."

'Don't the Italians believe in remodeling, Dad?'

'He's at that stage where he tends to wander.'

"Oh, how very French."

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"We just sat in the hot car for six hours and bickered. It was the same as going on vacation, but we saved $1,000."

"I'm going to patronize India for my gap year, where are you going?"

'Are your ears popping?'