Travel Comedy Lover Gifts

'Uhh, could I have your frequent flier points?'

"Fascinating! Dr. Mort, this proves that the early Flightattenderthal did in fact impale passengers who brought on oversized carry-on luggage!"

Carefree luggage.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Can I have a look at the map?

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

'Straight on, you can't miss it.'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

"Well, that's just great! I guess pigs don't fly after all!"

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

Holiday Luggage

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

Traffic Sign

'Budget is the name of the airline. Nobody said anything about cheap flights.'

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

'You've been looking for that cuff-link, haven't you? Well...'

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

Your Luggage

"Yeah, it's a drag, but the only flight I could get was a red-eye."

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

'We're not going to Roswell again, it's such a tourist trap.'

"I get it...you went south for the winter. Now, don't you think it's time to ditch the shirt?"

Alfredo the knife thrower's first air trip.

At the airport.

"How long would it take to cook my goose? I have a camel train to catch..."

"And this is my niece. She's four. She'd also love to eat you."

"We are sorry for the delay in announcing the delay of flight 601"

'This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.'

Maps to the house arrests of the stars

"We find the defendants guilty on the charges of missed connections, separated seats, crying babies, bad weather, turbulence and running out of chicken."