Travel Comedy Fan Gifts

"And this is my niece. She's four. She'd also love to eat you."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

1,000 places to see after you die by Shirley Maclaine.

'Sir, your luggage exceeds the carry-on size limit! It wouldn't be fair to other passengers if I allotted more space for you, now would it?'

Carefree luggage.

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Can I have a look at the map?

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Biliard Enthusiast

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"