Trauma Narrator Gifts

'What are you doing whining to me about your terrible childhood? Write it all down, you idiot. You've got a bestseller there.'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'And this is scraps.'

"It's good you feel ready to confront your demons. Unfortunately, they're reluctant to face you."

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

'Literary agency' "About your idea for a book on NATO's role in Kosovo? Russian author got there first"

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

"Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator."

"Your ecosystem is pretty well shot, have you considered giving up humans?"

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

"She's had work."

'...when all at once I saw a bunch, a bunch of golden daffodils...no, it still doesn't sound right.'

'...and our work environment offers..well...wonderful horror stories to tell your grandkids.'

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'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

The Monster Under the Bed.

'Snap that line!!...'

'I've been doing a home study course. Now I can echo in three languages!'

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

A mouse riding an elephant