Transparency Paradox Enthusiast Pillows

"I move for less transparency."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

The Meaning of Life

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

'Nothing like fear tactics to deter future leakers!'

"Bugger, some whistleblower has blabbed about how much we spent to stop whistleblowers blabbing about..."

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

Report

Closing Laugh Ministry of Info

"Full disclosure. . . we're not disclosing anything."

Weapens of Mass Redaction

"Ok, now, let's get one of you demanding your privacy."

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Fake ecologist

"People who live in glass houses are rare."

Panic broke out in the White House when it got so smoky they couldn't see the mirrors.

"We managed to make ends meet."

"What beats me is how you global warming sceptics always turn out to believe in local warming."

'Of course it's a transparent administration, they can't keep a secret.'

Zeno Gives Directions

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

"It's only a matter of time before we realize that time doesn't exist."

"Is that your beeper or my beeper?"

Barr reviews Mueller report on Trump

Wanderer dropping phone above the sea of fog

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

"Having an honest relationship with customers is admirable, but telling them that this sale is 'to get ride of all the crap we can't sell normally' might be a step too far!"