Tragedy Explorer T-Shirts

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

Be open to help.

Artist on the Beach

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

'I thought I heard a twig snap.'

'Oh Great. We just missed the once a millennia bus out.'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

'My career is in ruins...'

Shipwrecked.

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

Myths and Other Urban Legends

'Is he dead, or is it intern fatigue?'

Trilby - 'The last they saw of Svengali'.

"...To sum up, then, everything is illusory - Do you guys have any questions?"

'Must be Pandora's.'

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

"Our goal is to modernize it but retain the historical flavor."

'It appears the empire really is declining and falling.'

"It was buried only last month, but we couldn't wait."

Wishing well

'You're Bigfoot? Now, why don't I believe you?'