Tragedy Explorer T-Shirts

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

Be open to help.

Artist on the Beach

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Cast away in a life raft with Dr. Phil.

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

'I thought I heard a twig snap.'

"Scientists believe the mysterious asteroid, known as 'Oumaumau', may be a space probe, a discarded solar sail or a huge alien turd."

'My career is in ruins...'

'Oh Great. We just missed the once a millennia bus out.'

Shipwrecked.

Myths and Other Urban Legends

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

'Is he dead, or is it intern fatigue?'

Trilby - 'The last they saw of Svengali'.

"...To sum up, then, everything is illusory - Do you guys have any questions?"

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

'Must be Pandora's.'

"Our goal is to modernize it but retain the historical flavor."

Wishing well

'It appears the empire really is declining and falling.'

"It was buried only last month, but we couldn't wait."