Traffic Punster T-Shirts

'It was the M25, Junction 14; your father crossed over to the other side. In more ways than one.'

Central Reservations Available.

"Hey, have you ever asked yourself why you need to cross the street before hurling yourself into traffic?"

Cake Free Zone

Dogs life

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"We're standing in forever chemicals."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"Is there a problem officer?"

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

"After careful deliberation, I've decided I can no longer represent you as your lawyer in this case."

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Not too serious just a couple of particles collided.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

Don't even dream of parking here.

'I'm trying to get a Handel on classical music, but I'm finding that it's one step forward and two steps Bach.'

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

Lawyer Xing

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

Fisherman.

Driver to tire salesman: 'I drive on a lot of rough roads. How much to pave the tires?'

"It's a new career for me. I left the business world because I kept running companies into the ground."

"What's a cow doing in my classroom?"

Math Dept. I can't move my hand to indicate "Hello" anymore. You mean your wave function has collapsed?

"Duffer, Penny, Bailey & Coco. Attorneys at Gnaw."

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

'Maybe complimentary refills wasn't such a good idea.'

'Well it's one way of popularising our work at CERN!'