Traditions Gifts

Eight nights of excuses

Four Questions of the Seder

All-Candy Seder.

"The Kitmans in 12-B. Tell them Elijah is here for the Seder."

Hanukkah tree

"Shadow, nothing. I saw Elvis."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Early versions of the new year's eve ball drop proved less popular among revelers,

'What clan do you belong to?'

Out of kilter.

How the Easter Bunny Spends Halloween.

'Perhaps we need more multi-culturalism.'

The Annual Chanukah Dilemma

'And now we break the middle matza in half.'

Mother says to son on Bonfire Night: 'Of course, we won't actually be burning the Guy because of the carbon emissions.'

Bris-A-Mole

"I couldn't decide what to give up for Lent, so I gave it all up."

E-Bahgum Mail

"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which may involve an occasional hot=dog-eating contest."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

"We had this last year."

'We don't do caroling anymore, sir. We'll give you an URL where you can download the greatest Christmas songs!'

"We always have pizza for Easter dinner because that's what my mom gives up for Lent."

"You go out there! I can't take the pressure of predicting the end of winter this year!"

'This year I'm deliverying everything FedEx!'

"Oh, we're just here for the party."

"I miss handshakes"

'What, They're comfortable.'

Whoa! Willard, you know you can't put metal in a microwave! Why not just heat it the old fashioned way and use your nostrils?

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

New Year's Eve.

'We now accept chip & pin.'

"What are you wearing under your kilt?"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

You Will Eat A Fortune Cookie.