Traditional Value Lover Pillows

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

"Take the off this minute, young lady."

"Charming, absolutely charming."

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

Folk Wedding

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Tia Carmen, I have a killer test tomorrow. Can you help?"

"Does dad know you're dating the guy from the Seder plate?"

Shall I be mother?

'This is cow country, pal, and we're not real big on innovation.'

"So, are you predicting an early spring?"

Maypole

'How about June? -- I've always had June weddings!'

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

Shavuot - Like!

We're waiting to see if he'll see his shadow.

Time for Tea

Poorly planned Chanukah crafts

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

Queen reigning.

"We don't make toys any more. I send the elves to buy them in China."

'Why can't you do a yodel that sounds like you're making money instead of cheese?'

'Stop Hamish! You're playing ma haggis!'

First Marriage.

'I want a traditional church wedding but Sam prefers something trendy. Can we compromise and do it bunji-jumping from the steeple?'

'Not ANOTHER pub boarded up!'

Happy Hogmanay!

'Well,what do you think of the new gown and wig?'

"We had this last year."

"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which may involve an occasional hot=dog-eating contest."

'I totally forgot what I was looking for.'

Amish personal mobility scooter