Traditional Parenting Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Excellent! There's no mention of a ban on Grandparents smacking children..' (children fighting in background).

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

Crying baby

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

Parenting magazines.

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Husband and Child in Pram