Retro Parenting Enthusiast T-Shirts

Praise works best when it comes straight after the positive behaviour.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Growth Charts

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Lemming mothers

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'