Retro Parenting Enthusiast T-Shirts

Praise works best when it comes straight after the positive behaviour.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Early childhood development

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

"My first Father's day!"

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

Husband and Child in Pram