Traditional Family Values Gifts

"We're pretty traditional around here. I handle everything on the domestic front except security."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Take the off this minute, young lady."

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

Family traits.

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

Tyler missed the old days before his parents used behavioral tracking software.

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

'Are you on any medication other than your Grandma's chicken soup?'

"It was our grandmother's wedding dress—we had her exhumed so you could wear it."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

"I can tell you that's not the version of Uncle Sam that I grew up with."

Christening

"When I moved here after your mother passed... The first thing I did was make this altar...so I could pray for her. But your father said, 'Just no photos.'"

'Let's see what Santa has in his sack for a little boy or girl...'

"I like being a kid - it's the ultimate entitlement program."

"I found my great aunt Irma's delicioso roast turkey recipe!"

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

Something without the sexual connotation, please.

'It's my first Thanksgiving!'

Important dates in Latino history: Seven years ago, the empanada was invented.

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

"And that's how great grandma braided her fish."