Traditional Entertainment Admirer Gifts

"Trevor works from home these days."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

"What old school? This is my life."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"Charming, absolutely charming."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Starvation Watching

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

More Arts Council cuts...

"Oh, it's a grand day for Harvard!"

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

NBS Programming Department. Who have we got to interview Michael Jackson? We've got it narrowed down to Stephen King or Leonard Nimoy.

"As I recall, Leonard, when we first watched 'The Honeymooners' you said that it marked the decline and fall of Western culture."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"Wait! It gets even crazier!"

'I trust you folks won't mind if I have the football on while we talk?'

"It's dull now, but at the end they smash their instruments and set fire to the chairs."

'Sorry, Bobo. With all the e-mailed jokes today, office clowns are passe.'

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"General, last night while we were here, encamped for concert tickets, the enemy encamped across the river for theatre tickets."

"Five million channels! This is heaven indeed!"

A pianist uses a frog as a page turner.