Tradition Shaker T-Shirts

'Well, if you don't like our rules then start your own denomination.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

Origins of a family tradition.

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

'I'll be home for dinner in a few minutes... I'm getting my stomach lined right now.'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

'Well, now do you believe that snow global warming is real?'

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

What do you mean you don't want a nose ring?

Comfort Zone Lady Leaving a Room.

No right to wear white.

Easter and Passover Island

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

"I want you to decrease your salt intake and increase your pepper intake."

'We, too, celebrate Hallowe'en.'

Shaker Timeouts

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

Let the good times roll.

"I think I see some eggs in here."

"Boxing Day is cancelled this year. We're going to stop cold turkey."

"Since we're about experiences and not things, I didn't bother with a ring."

The first and last matador to try karate instead of a cape.

'Look, McTavish - The rest of us wear SAFFRON robes!'